My present to you before I crash for the night, love. Now leave me the freak alone.
:Never Looking back:
Riolu is an amazing choice as a Pokemon companion, and in a story like this I must say that he fits it well and I commend you on the selection. I don't think it would have felt quite the same with a different Pokemon in his place, but hey, maybe that's just me. Regardless, I like that you chose him.
Deserax is an.. Interesting character.. Considering his.. Um.. Life conditions. Though, those 'life conditions' are what really threw me off in this fanfic. The whole thing with his father.. I didn't like it in place with a Pokemon setting, honestly. That might just be a personal preference of mine, but the entire scene made my stomach twist and made me frown. Though, I guess I could congratulate you on doing that. It means you got emotion, regardless of negative or positive, from a reader. That's something to be proud of. But just.. I hate that part. I hate that it's in a universe based around a children's show/game. However, I do need to keep in mind that this is a fanfic- So, again, this is a personal preference of mine. It might not deter anyone else.
I like how you portrayed the story, or at least a part of it, in both Riolu and Deserax's views. I must say you pulled it off quite well. The story also logically sets up a leave- So it's not just Deserax and Riolu running off for a reason the readers don't quite understand.
All in all, nicely put together. Though there might be a few grammatical errors, I have to say that I liked the fanfic as a whole, with just that one moment throwing me off. Good job, and I'd love to see more.
:Awakened.:
"You know what? Fuck the money, I want your pokemon!"
I will forever quote that line. Seriously. Thank you for it. It makes hardly any logical sense, but fuck it. I love it.
Now, back to the whole.. Wrong genre thing. What is it with you and adult themes in POKEMON fanfics? You have an odd way of venting. Again, personal preference, but this didn't bother me nearly as much as the 'adult' moment in the fanfic before it. I enjoyed the thrill of the chase, however, and even felt a bit sorry for Dalikos at times. (Okay, but seriously Shadow, a mugger with a knife? What ever happened to good old Pokemon snatchers? (Team Rocket, anyone?))
Something else caught my eye, though. When Leo saw the guy, wouldn't he have seen the knife too? I saw nothing stating that the knife wasn't present at the moment, but there was no indication that Leo saw it, either- And surely he would have seen him as a threat then.
Now, Dalikos dying.. Again, a bit out of genre for a Pokemon fanfic, BUT, the plot of it intrigues me. Especially Mew's personality- Considering Mew has never spoken, ever, and all we have as it's personality is that of playful, cheerful, childish innocence and mischief, you didn't have much to come off of. I think you did it well, and I like it.
In all honesty, I'd like to see what happens next, and Dalikos' reaction to being dead. Um.. But.. I'm a bit worried about Leo. There's no chance that Officer Jenny can get there in time to take the man down before he can easily slash again and kill the boy. It bothers me, is all. I hope to see a conclusion to that too.
I didn't note many, if any, grammatical errors in this one, though I don't think I was looking much.
Carry on, carry on.~ I enjoyed it.
Subject: Reviews - shadow7900 
Sun Feb 19, 2012 6:05 pm
